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Summer

It seems all too familiar to me to be faced with a blank screen with only the constantly blinking vertical line waiting for me to feed it with letters. It’s frustrating to see words show up just to be erased again because I think they don’t qualify to represent my thoughts. But I have to find a way to discharge what needs to be discharged and, therefore, here I am desperately scraping my mind for the right words.

But this time around, it’s even harder for me to type in these words for I don’t even know what it is I need to be discharging. All I know is I feel heavy and unstable that I might do something really drastic in the near future if I don’t let this out — quick.

What you are about to read, or see as for this matter, are typographies that are not my own. Since I really have no idea where to start my story, I decided I will just upload 29 typographies I could relate my situation with along with this entry.

So for those of you who are not fond of my lengthy texts but are still interested in my stories (which I highly doubt), today is your lucky day.

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3 indefinite things I need the most: trust, love, and hope.

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Hello! ♥ ♥ ♥

As promised, this newest blog entry of mine isn’t going to be about a gloomy day or a negative feeling! I’m so proud of myself for leaving the sad days behind and welcoming the days that hold many more opportunities to rise and begin a whole new chapter of life! ☺

The start of May has been really rough and mean to me… Some of you already know about this. You’re either a close friend, or a faithful reader of my blog. Hihihi. Problems forming day by day, and when I finally manage to resolve one, another comes up and joins the then never-ending list of struggle and torment… But today’s different! Very different.

I awake by the sound of shattering glass. Yes. Again, it was my brother creating some drama in the living room. He’s always mad for some reason, especially to my kuya (not an older brother although I wish he was, but a cousin). He assumes that everything he wants, he gets. Right there, right in that very moment. That’s one reason why I’m so pissed with my brother.

Shattering glass, I awake. Yet I refused to get on my feet to check what’s going on. Instead, I checked the clock. It was only 12 noon. That’s still early for me, so I decided to go back to sleep. But then, even before sandman could visit me again, I sprang up and started fixing myself. Today’s the day Doreen and I bond!

I turn into a non-punctual human being when it’s summer. I jumped in the shower, brushed my teeth, threw clothes on myself literally (this explains why I looked and still look like a total drab) but who cares! I was supposed to leave the house exactly by 2, but I ended up leaving with only 15 minutes before 3 in the afternoon. I didn’t even bother to eat my already super late brunch!

Manong trike driver wasn’t able to drop me off right in front of Doreen’s place so I ended up walking from their village entrance to their porch. It wasn’t much of a bother though, I prefer to walk than ride. Upon arriving, I heard Aldrin, Doreen’s über cute little brother, shouting from upstairs. I didn’t know what he was doing up there, but Doreen said he’s always shouting. Hahaha! Sometimes, I’d like to imagine what would it be like if Doreen and I switched brothers. Stephen (my annoying, glass-shattering brother) and Aldrin are very, very different from each other. From the way Aldrin acted a while ago, he was a natural entertainer. Very hospitable and concerned. He asked if we would like something to eat, if we wouldn’t mind if he joined us watching. The very opposite of my Stephen. Shy and likes to be left alone with his own business. But still very annoying and insensitive. Sorry brother, it’s the truth! I still love you though… 😉

Doreen and I propped up and got ready to watch the flick we were planning to watch since yesterday. The flick was called Exam (2009). An indie thriller film directed by Stuart Hazeldine. I wouldn’t bother to spoil bits from the movie here, but I would like to point out the endless buffering (not to mention the mindf*ck we suffered) all throughout the video. But that’s alright too, at least we got ahold of the full film, free! 🙂

Halfway through the movie, I received a text message from my kuya. It said that he had already left for Laguna. Sadly, he won’t be there for only 2 days… I guess he has had enough of Stephen’s attitude. It’s depressing for me, since kuya is the only person at home who I share and rant about my feelings to… But I reprimanded myself not to jerk a tear. We were in the middle of a thriller movie after all. I didn’t like to ruin the moment. Hehehe.

I left Doreen’s place feeling bitin. Just because of that stupid buffering, watching the flick was the only thing time allowed us to do…

I was supposed to go home directly from Doreen’s but I decided Fin and I could use a bondate (bonding + date). We headed to Ice where the both of us had yogurt while he messed with my laptop. We went home together and hanged-out a little more. Fin is amazing. Sweet, gentle, funny and all. Ahihihi. Doctor Love wasn’t too late after all! ♥

Despite the fact of kuya leaving me for who knows how long, I had a great day. 15 was more than enough to make up for the loss on my first May days. ☺ it really proved the saying, “Be strong, it’s stormy now but it won’t rain forever.” true. 🙂

All those problems that I mentioned earlier, are no longer existing. But there are still a few more that I have to face. And I’m more than willing to conquer them all 🙂

I thank God for this day and for the many more amazing days He’s going to bless me and my loved ones with. Alleluia, Alleluia!  ♥

Well, I guess that’s it for now… Thank you sooo much for reading!

Toodles! Until then! ☺ ☺ ☺

And by tired, not that kind of tired that sleep can cure.

Wala akong laban. Kasi ‘di ako malandi.

Say what you want. Tell me things that you already know so well that I couldn’t and wouldn’t believe in an instant. But can you blame me? I’m a girl, I get jealous and irritated about things you consider as “nothing”.

It’s a Sunday morning, I know. I shouldn’t be making depressing posts. But writing about what I feel seems to be the only reasonable gateway to make an escape from all this bullshit.

I’m so tired, I can’t figure out well what to write next.

This morning is one of those mornings that you wake up and sit still on your bed wiping off tears with your bare hands. I cry because I feel that I’m not enough. I want to work things out but I’m afraid that my efforts will be discarded. It’s really hard keeping people in your life. Especially when you’re used to standing on your own two feet, it’s even harder. Much like playing a new game on extreme mode.

I won’t be writing about what literally happened this morning, it’s tad depressing. Everything literally hurts. Even the lightest touch stings. I just want to be alone somewhere distant and think about what happened. Or have a willing accomplice with me whom I can talk to and he/she would hopefully understand. But  I’ve decided I’d keep it to myself and to those involved.

I apologize if you feel what you read was nonsense. I don’t understand myself too, so I resort to writing my feelings out.

I just want to be good enough for somebody… 😦 I feel like trash that anyone can easily scrap off and replace.

But I vow to myself that someday I will  prove you all wrong. That I am better than you think. That I’m worthier than you perceive.

But tonight I couldn’t seem to focus… I was totally the opposite of what I am now this morning, I don’t know what happened. Things came crashing down without prior signs.

I’m writing because writing is the closest thing to my happiness, as of now. Maybe this could finally help me back to focusing on what really matters…

Summer does have ups and downs. And so does life. But it doesn’t stop here, there’s always tomorrow where I can reunite with happiness again. I’m never weak, or at least I don’t show it. 😉 that’s one of my best traits, but it also have downsides like it leads people to think I don’t need any assistance in times of my weakest moments. But I can live with that. 🙂

I feel bad about throwing the new book my mom brought me home earlier. Now I have to find it or else she’ll return it back to the bookstore. I feel guilty, even for books, I have a soft spot. When I find it (fingers crossed I will), I’ll read a few  chapters then get some sleep. Aside from writing blogs and reading books, sleeping is also my get-away from reality. I need to feel better. Hopefully by tomorrow I will. 🙂

I won’t be updating my social networking sites that I made this new entry anymore. I don’t see the point of posting an entry that the majority of it is siding up on negative thoughts. Although I would appreciate people reading this, I’ll leave it up to them to find this themselves without me having to spoon-feed them this post’s link. 🙂

Good night! Until then.