You come in like you know everything.
You come in so sure about the future.
You come in with all your plans set up.
You come in thinking you are strong and ready enough.
Yet you come out devastated, disappointed, and broken beyond repair.
Time, paired up with a recurring amount of cumulative pain can and will destroy just about anything, even the feelings you thought you had pinned well in the center of your bed’s headboard. Then comes the bitter realization that gnaws and sinks into the depths of your emotional boundaries until you feel absolutely nothing but empty.
You cannot conceal the feeling of emptiness. You cannot force yourself to feel. After all, there’s only so much we can take.
Time is an unpredictable friend. Some days, he sides with you but on some unfortunate days when you’re desperately hoping that he would, he defies every little reason you hold on to. And rarely does he side with you when your stars are aligned.
“It is innate for humans to crave the feeling of being happy and loved.”, so it is told. That craving intensifies when we are deprived of it, I believe. And when someone fills in the nooks and crannies of one’s tattered and thirsty heart, he would accept the blessing right away, without question.
A harsh rebuttal for the previous paragraph would be my own story:
Is it morally upright to accept the love we think we deserve in the midst of emptiness and turmoil?
Is it acceptable to have myself repaired by the hands of an unexpected visitor?
Is it right to fall for someone who fills in the bullet holes of ashen “love”?
Don’t get me wrong, what I feel is pure. I don’t feel it out of loneliness, I feel it out of happiness.
A dangerous road lies ahead of me now. I know I must proceed with great caution, not only for myself. As much as I don’t want to come out devastated, disappointed, and broken beyond repair, I don’t want to hurt people, too. What drives me to keep going is the trail of happiness someone might have left for me. I will follow this trail. I just have to befriend time and the stars along the way.
It isn’t as scary as how you thought it would be, but once you do fall, you fly. Even for just a little while.
And today, everyone would kill just to fly. Even for just a little while.