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Monthly Archives: April 2012

Does anyone know what’s the best thing to halt or at least reduce that negative feeling from insecurities? I’ve been bearing that feeling for days now and I very much loathe it. It’s like getting punched abruptly in the stomach. What’s worse is that the way I think about myself is affected as well… My self-esteem is gradually decreasing 😦

I’m a happy teen most of the time but when things get down and quiet and I’m left alone with just me, I can’t seem to stop comparing myself to other people… That’s when the feeling creeps in. It’s horrible. It can choke and consume me whole.

I’ve been reading articles regarding insecurities and some how-to-deal guide but so far, nothing seems to work… I’ve been also observing myself in front of a long mirror, my features, my edges and such. I’m confident with the image I see, but when I look away the feeling haunts me back then I don’t feel so good about myself. I don’t feel enough. And this can come and increase in a sudden, or gradually.

Fortunately, it hasn’t affected my way of living, just yet. I hope it won’t though. I don’t have eating disorders (I pig out a lot) nor any illness known to man. 🙂

I’m in no need of a psychiatrist or any mental help. I can actually handle the feeling in many ways possible but when it sinks in to me it’s just plain horrible… Thanks to my friends, family and dear loved ones, I can somehow lift the weight off my shoulders. 🙂 For now, I just need to pull myself together, have someone to talk to and can listen, learn not to compare myself with others and know by heart that society is an ass for setting standards on what we’re supposed to be.

And by tired, not that kind of tired that sleep can cure.

Wala akong laban. Kasi ‘di ako malandi.

Say what you want. Tell me things that you already know so well that I couldn’t and wouldn’t believe in an instant. But can you blame me? I’m a girl, I get jealous and irritated about things you consider as “nothing”.

It’s a Sunday morning, I know. I shouldn’t be making depressing posts. But writing about what I feel seems to be the only reasonable gateway to make an escape from all this bullshit.

I’m so tired, I can’t figure out well what to write next.

This morning is one of those mornings that you wake up and sit still on your bed wiping off tears with your bare hands. I cry because I feel that I’m not enough. I want to work things out but I’m afraid that my efforts will be discarded. It’s really hard keeping people in your life. Especially when you’re used to standing on your own two feet, it’s even harder. Much like playing a new game on extreme mode.

I won’t be writing about what literally happened this morning, it’s tad depressing. Everything literally hurts. Even the lightest touch stings. I just want to be alone somewhere distant and think about what happened. Or have a willing accomplice with me whom I can talk to and he/she would hopefully understand. But  I’ve decided I’d keep it to myself and to those involved.

I apologize if you feel what you read was nonsense. I don’t understand myself too, so I resort to writing my feelings out.

I just want to be good enough for somebody… 😦 I feel like trash that anyone can easily scrap off and replace.

But I vow to myself that someday I will  prove you all wrong. That I am better than you think. That I’m worthier than you perceive.

But tonight I couldn’t seem to focus… I was totally the opposite of what I am now this morning, I don’t know what happened. Things came crashing down without prior signs.

I’m writing because writing is the closest thing to my happiness, as of now. Maybe this could finally help me back to focusing on what really matters…

Summer does have ups and downs. And so does life. But it doesn’t stop here, there’s always tomorrow where I can reunite with happiness again. I’m never weak, or at least I don’t show it. 😉 that’s one of my best traits, but it also have downsides like it leads people to think I don’t need any assistance in times of my weakest moments. But I can live with that. 🙂

I feel bad about throwing the new book my mom brought me home earlier. Now I have to find it or else she’ll return it back to the bookstore. I feel guilty, even for books, I have a soft spot. When I find it (fingers crossed I will), I’ll read a few  chapters then get some sleep. Aside from writing blogs and reading books, sleeping is also my get-away from reality. I need to feel better. Hopefully by tomorrow I will. 🙂

I won’t be updating my social networking sites that I made this new entry anymore. I don’t see the point of posting an entry that the majority of it is siding up on negative thoughts. Although I would appreciate people reading this, I’ll leave it up to them to find this themselves without me having to spoon-feed them this post’s link. 🙂

Good night! Until then.