So today is the releasing of our ARCs (Automated Report Cards) for us to know our final grades and standings. I went to school at around 10:30 in the morning to get mine and my brother’s. It was pouring and I had to commute but I managed to stay dry on the way to school.
I got my ARC first then my brother’s. I won’t mention a thing about my grades. Not that they’re bad, but I don’t feel like boasting here. Hahaha 😉
For the sake of your time and mine, I won’t be making this entry perplex any further for you readers. Basically, there were things that made me extremely happy and there were those that made me quite nervous. I would be mentioning the negative thing first before the positive one, so I could conclude this entry with a smile. 🙂
Okay so here it goes. One of my teachers told me that next year, I would be classmates with all the medalists in my batch — shortly, I’ll be part of the highly regarded star section next year. I know that being a part of the star section is an honor for most of you guys but for me, things are different. I fear belonging there. And yes, I’ve been part of star sections before but this time, when that teacher told me about it, chills shot and ran down my spine. Kind of like it’s a matter of life and death.
Let me tell you about why I feel this way. Maybe because being in a star section feels like a competition to me. You’ve got a lot braniacs to elbow yourself out all throughout the year in order for you to stand out. Another thing is, by just belonging to the star section kind of elevates the perspective of the teachers around you. You become a bit more superior (I don’t know of any other words to express the thought so please don’t take this offensively) than the others and one single mistake or failure will bring that perspective crashing down. Can you feel the pressure on my shoulders now? Try not for there’s still one remaining. Have you ever made your best effort on something but the concerning people didn’t give much of appreciation or didn’t even notice because they’re too busy appreciating others? How about that feeling when you did your very best but only a few recognize it or maybe even none because they’re too occupied eyeing on the others’ work? It’s the exact same feeling I’m getting now because I really fear rejection, the feeling that you’re unappreciated and unseen. With all my other co-medalists, I think it would be hard for me to shine brightly enough for my mentors to notice because, first, I’m NOT the brainiest one around and second, I think of the whole thing as a competition. A quiz bee. A race. A pageant. I might even say The Hunger Games because of the immense pressure I’m currently feeling.
I’m trying to digest all of the advices and words of encouragement my mom and all my friends gave and are still giving.
“Don’t think of it as a competition.”
“Don’t think too much of the negative wonders, they’ll pull you down.”
“Just continue what you have always been doing and be honest to yourself so you can give out your best, and if you try hard enough, they’ll soon notice your great efforts.”
“Oh come on Sophie, it’s freaking summer! Chillax! Enjoy! It’s not like school’s coming back tomorrow…”
These were just some of the lovely reminders I received. They’re right, it’s not a competition. Maybe I’m just thinking of it that way. And it’s summer! I should be thinking of the fun I’ll be having with my friends and loved ones! The places I would travel and venture to… Ha! Maybe it’s just in me, there’s really nothing to worry about. 🙂 I need a break. But in case the negative wonders come bugging me again, I would have a sufficient amount of reminders and advices to counter them with. 🙂
To cut the story short, I fear rejection. Who does, right?
Okay, to this point, I would like to thank those who carried on reading. It’s either you love me too much or you just never get tired of my constant blabbering. Thanks for that, really. ❤ The next part is the positive happening! I’m really hyped to get this out to you guys but I mentioned the negative happening first so that I would be carefee enough to blog about the positive one. :3 I hope you understand!
Let’s go back to the ARC releasing. After I got mine, I asked where Sir Pj was. I was dying to hug him again (the first time being on the Recognition Day), because I really admire and miss his intellectual and laid-back persona. A teacher that’s just like your katropa. He’s one of a kind. 🙂 Please don’t judge me people… for admiring someone not in my age group. Okay where was I? Oh yes. I was shy to go alone to the faculty with me, so I asked Ate Lesly to come accompany me to him since she and Sir Pj were kind of close too. So there I was, getting pushed in the faculty by my ever beloved Ate Lesly to Sir Pj. She threw me in like a defenseless mouse surrounded by a pack of hungry cats. I tried to act calm and natural, but when he saw me, he opened his arms waiting for me to come in them and give me a hug. I was shy at first, but I finally gave in since it was what I really wanted, a hug from my favorite teacher. 🙂 again, don’t judge me. All of us would really appreciate a hug from someone they admire right? Right. After that, he took my ARC and started reading my grades. Sir Jojo, another best Science teacher, did the same thing. Sir Pj then told Ms. Mariliz to look after me when I get to third year (that’s next year!). She can be my Chemistry teacher. I hope she would be because she looks really nice and told me that I had really neat grades. 🙂 The following moments were just the Science department commenting on my outfit I wore earlier. They said that I went to the wrong establishment. Seton is a school, not an office they said. Oh God, maybe I DID really look like an office worker with the outfit I was wearing earlier this day… It was my time to leave because I had to find Doreen, so I said a sweet good-bye and thank you to the Science department together with Ate Lesly, and got to hug Sir Pj for one last time this school year. I was happy leaving. All thanks to Ate Lesly. Man, I owe that woman so much! Ate Lesly, I hope you’re reading this so you would know how grateful I really was this morning!!! 😉
Doreen and I went home together from school. She came over my house and we were soaking wet when we finally arrived. We couldn’t stop laughing about things. Hahaha! I love her 🙂 We watched Orphan, read books, talked about people and ate. :3 I love having her around. For a day, I can pretend that I have a sister. ❤
So that’s it for today’s happenings… I’ve been typing for an hour now! Haha! No words can describe this last day of the school year. It was just priceless and awesome… 🙂 I always seem to find the 21st and the 29th day of the month as blessed and have good moments to bring me.
Thank you sooooooo much for reading guys! Thanks for letting me pour my thoughts on you. I hope you find something essential and interesting on what I wrote tonight. I love you my readers! Thank you ♥