It’s thirty minutes past 2 in the morning now. I don’t have anything left to do but to sleep. But I can’t seem to find a way to shut my eyes and revitalize myself. My eyelids are dropping yet my mind’s too awake. So I’m writing a new blog entry, since this seems to be the most sensible thing to do now. I can’t go out. It’s dark outside and there’s nothing to do in the empty streets. But I do want to go out. And travel. Far away. Someplace else away from here. Somewhere I could recollect and keep in touch with myself again. Not in this 4-walled room. I need a borderless space for my thoughts. I’m very sorry if you find no sense in what you are currently reading… I just type whatever is in my mind during the wee hours of the night.. Sort of like mind vomiting. I could never vomit my thoughts during the mornings nor the afternoons.. The following statements you’re about to read are pure mind puke. It’s your choice to carry on reading or Alt + F4, but you’ve been warned.

I want to go onstage with a roaring crowd before me. Who cares what I’ll do on that stage at least it’s more productive than what I’m doing at the moment… But I’m too curvy to prostitute.

I want to finish homework, but that’s impossible since summer just started.

I want to swim in a transparent lake and finally be able to conquer my fear of fish, but I’m in the middle of a buzzing metropolitan city with lots of vibrant lights and towering establishments.

I want to build a snowman and make a snow angel and go sledding and throw snowballs, but snow has been absent in the Philippines for God knows how long and since when.

I want to look beautiful, but I’m too ugly to pull that off.

I want to prove religion, but I’m afraid of objections.

I want to get rid of my insecurities, but blah.

I want to paint-splatter my room, but my parents would be furious.

I want to master the piano and beat the crap out of Mozart, but my fingers won’t cooperate.

I want to serve justice, but I haven’t taken CPA and Law yet.

I want to do this, but there’s that.

It’s exactly 3 AM now. 30 minutes since I started typing. There are so many things I want to do right now but I’m stuck here, inside these four concrete walls. It’s like this every summer day (or should I say night): wake up in the afternoon missing breakfast or even lunch, selling my soul to the internet and finally, sleep just before dawn breaks.

Honestly, I don’t know what the heck I’m typing anymore. Actually I don’t know what I was typing from the start. I apologize if what you read didn’t make sense whatsoever and took your precious time. But hey, I warned you.

I should sleep now. Maybe I could accomplish things in slumber. Good morning! ♥

“’cause everything is never as it seems when I fall asleep.” —Fireflies, Owl City



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