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Monthly Archives: March 2012

So today is the releasing of our ARCs (Automated Report Cards) for us to know our final grades and standings. I went to school at around 10:30 in the morning to get mine and my brother’s. It was pouring and I had to commute but I managed to stay dry on the way to school.

I got my ARC first then my brother’s. I won’t mention a thing about my grades. Not that they’re bad, but I don’t feel like boasting here. Hahaha 😉

For the sake of your time and mine, I won’t be making this entry perplex any further for you readers. Basically, there were things that made me extremely happy and there were those that made me quite nervous. I would be mentioning the negative thing first before the positive one, so I could conclude this entry with a smile. 🙂

Okay so here it goes. One of my teachers told me that next year, I would be classmates with all the medalists in my batch — shortly, I’ll be part of the highly regarded star section next year. I know that being a part of the star section is an honor for most of you guys but for me, things are different. I fear belonging there. And yes, I’ve been part of star sections before but this time, when that teacher told me about it, chills shot and ran down my spine. Kind of like it’s a matter of life and death.

Let me tell you about why I feel this way. Maybe because being in a star section feels like a competition to me. You’ve got a lot braniacs to elbow yourself out all throughout the year in order for you to stand out. Another thing is, by just belonging to the star section kind of elevates the perspective of the teachers around you. You become a bit more superior (I don’t know of any other words to express the thought so please don’t take this offensively) than the others and one single mistake or failure will bring that perspective crashing down. Can you feel the pressure on my shoulders now? Try not for there’s still one remaining. Have you ever made your best effort on something but the concerning people didn’t give much of appreciation or didn’t even notice because they’re too busy appreciating others? How about that feeling when you did your very best but only a few recognize it or maybe even none because they’re too occupied eyeing on the others’ work? It’s the exact same feeling I’m getting now because I really fear rejection, the feeling that you’re unappreciated and unseen. With all my other co-medalists, I think it would be hard for me to shine brightly enough for my mentors to notice because, first, I’m NOT the brainiest one around and second, I think of the whole thing as a competition. A quiz bee. A race. A pageant. I might even say The Hunger Games because of the immense pressure I’m currently feeling.

I’m trying to digest all of the advices and words of encouragement my mom and all my friends gave and are still giving.

“Don’t think of it as a competition.”

“Don’t think too much of the negative wonders, they’ll pull you down.”

“Just continue what you have always been doing and be honest to yourself so you can give out your best, and if you try hard enough, they’ll soon notice your great efforts.”

“Oh come on Sophie, it’s freaking summer! Chillax! Enjoy! It’s not like school’s coming back tomorrow…”

These were just some of the lovely reminders I received. They’re right, it’s not a competition. Maybe I’m just thinking of it that way. And it’s summer! I should be thinking of the fun I’ll be having with my friends and loved ones! The places I would travel and venture to… Ha! Maybe it’s just in me, there’s really nothing to worry about. 🙂 I need a break. But in case the negative wonders come bugging me again, I would have a sufficient amount of reminders and advices to counter them with. 🙂

To cut the story short, I fear rejection. Who does, right?

Okay, to this point, I would like to thank those who carried on reading. It’s either you love me too much or you just never get tired of my constant blabbering. Thanks for that, really. ❤ The next part is the positive happening! I’m really hyped to get this out to you guys but I mentioned the negative happening first so that I would be carefee enough to blog about the positive one. :3 I hope you understand!

Let’s go back to the ARC releasing. After I got mine, I asked where Sir Pj was. I was dying to hug him again (the first time being on the Recognition Day), because I really admire and miss his intellectual and laid-back persona. A teacher that’s just like your katropa. He’s one of a kind. 🙂 Please don’t judge me people… for admiring someone not in my age group. Okay where was I? Oh yes. I was shy to go alone to the faculty with me, so I asked Ate Lesly to come accompany me to him since she and Sir Pj were kind of close too. So there I was, getting pushed in the faculty by my ever beloved Ate Lesly to Sir Pj. She threw me in like a defenseless mouse surrounded by a pack of hungry cats. I tried to act calm and natural, but when he saw me, he opened his arms waiting for me to come in them  and give me a hug. I was shy at first, but I finally gave in since it was what I really wanted, a hug from my favorite teacher. 🙂 again, don’t judge me. All of us would really appreciate a hug from someone they admire right? Right. After that, he took my ARC and started reading my grades. Sir Jojo, another best Science teacher, did the same thing. Sir Pj then told Ms. Mariliz to look after me when I get to third year (that’s next year!). She can be my Chemistry teacher. I hope she would be because she looks really nice and told me that I had really neat grades. 🙂 The following moments were just the Science department commenting on my outfit I wore earlier. They said that I went to the wrong establishment. Seton is a school, not an office they said. Oh God, maybe I DID really look like an office worker with the outfit I was wearing earlier this day… It was my time to leave because I had to find Doreen, so I said a sweet good-bye and thank you to the Science department together with Ate Lesly, and got to hug Sir Pj for one last time this school year. I was happy leaving. All thanks to Ate Lesly. Man, I owe that woman so much! Ate Lesly, I hope you’re reading this so you would know how grateful I really was this morning!!! 😉

Doreen and I went home together from school. She came over my house and we were soaking wet when we finally arrived. We couldn’t stop laughing about things. Hahaha! I love her 🙂 We watched Orphan, read books, talked about people and ate. :3 I love having her around. For a day, I can pretend that I have a sister. ❤

So that’s it for today’s happenings… I’ve been typing for an hour now! Haha! No words can describe this last day of the school year. It was just priceless and awesome… 🙂 I always seem to find the 21st and the 29th day of the month as blessed and have good moments to bring me.

Thank you sooooooo much for reading guys! Thanks for letting me pour my thoughts on you. I hope you find something essential and interesting on what I wrote tonight. I love you my readers! Thank you ♥

Until then!

It’s thirty minutes past 2 in the morning now. I don’t have anything left to do but to sleep. But I can’t seem to find a way to shut my eyes and revitalize myself. My eyelids are dropping yet my mind’s too awake. So I’m writing a new blog entry, since this seems to be the most sensible thing to do now. I can’t go out. It’s dark outside and there’s nothing to do in the empty streets. But I do want to go out. And travel. Far away. Someplace else away from here. Somewhere I could recollect and keep in touch with myself again. Not in this 4-walled room. I need a borderless space for my thoughts. I’m very sorry if you find no sense in what you are currently reading… I just type whatever is in my mind during the wee hours of the night.. Sort of like mind vomiting. I could never vomit my thoughts during the mornings nor the afternoons.. The following statements you’re about to read are pure mind puke. It’s your choice to carry on reading or Alt + F4, but you’ve been warned.

I want to go onstage with a roaring crowd before me. Who cares what I’ll do on that stage at least it’s more productive than what I’m doing at the moment… But I’m too curvy to prostitute.

I want to finish homework, but that’s impossible since summer just started.

I want to swim in a transparent lake and finally be able to conquer my fear of fish, but I’m in the middle of a buzzing metropolitan city with lots of vibrant lights and towering establishments.

I want to build a snowman and make a snow angel and go sledding and throw snowballs, but snow has been absent in the Philippines for God knows how long and since when.

I want to look beautiful, but I’m too ugly to pull that off.

I want to prove religion, but I’m afraid of objections.

I want to get rid of my insecurities, but blah.

I want to paint-splatter my room, but my parents would be furious.

I want to master the piano and beat the crap out of Mozart, but my fingers won’t cooperate.

I want to serve justice, but I haven’t taken CPA and Law yet.

I want to do this, but there’s that.

It’s exactly 3 AM now. 30 minutes since I started typing. There are so many things I want to do right now but I’m stuck here, inside these four concrete walls. It’s like this every summer day (or should I say night): wake up in the afternoon missing breakfast or even lunch, selling my soul to the internet and finally, sleep just before dawn breaks.

Honestly, I don’t know what the heck I’m typing anymore. Actually I don’t know what I was typing from the start. I apologize if what you read didn’t make sense whatsoever and took your precious time. But hey, I warned you.

I should sleep now. Maybe I could accomplish things in slumber. Good morning! ♥

“’cause everything is never as it seems when I fall asleep.” —Fireflies, Owl City

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3/16/2012, Friday

I went to school both hyped and nervous. I’ve been doing the clearance of the whole class for 3 days now, and I can’t wait to finish it. As I walked down the hallway, a fellow medalist also vouching for an award this year approached and told me that the letter that would determine if I would be attending the Recognition program or not (it’s either a happy or sad gram) is already waiting at the office. I began to respire faster and my eyes got wider and I turned around to tell my friends what was up. I wasn’t ready to march in the office and receive the results yet, but they were. I would like to gather up my guts someplace else but they said it would be better if I know immediately. Before I could pull myself together, they were already dragging me to the office.

Ms. Rina, the one who was in-charge of handing out the letters gave me the envelope and a draft that I was supposed to sign. “Congratulations!”, it said. I was completely relieved and my friends were very happy and proud of me. They each gave me a hug :3 Anticipated, I continued reading. I noticed that they got my section printed wrong. It said, “…Sophia Martinez of II – SULTAN KUDARAT…”, totally contradicting the fact that I’m from Sarangani! I told Ms. Rina the problem and she apologized and told me that she has always thought that I was from Sultan Kudarat. It’s funny because it has been a year and she still wasn’t sure about what section I come from. I mean, I go to the office almost everyday… She also told me to come back for the final letter after a few hours as well.

Instead of just sitting around doing nothing, my friends and I decided to try to complete the clearance while waiting for the final copy of the letter to be handed out. Yet that didn’t went well since we visited Jan’s place to remind him on what he was missing on the clearance, but we ended up spending most of the afternoon stuck in his pad watching Limitless. When the movie was finally over, we decided to have lunch at 7 Eleven then return to the clearance business. We managed to complete majority of the clearance’s coverage that afternoon and I went home with a grin and my happy gram. ☺

3/21/2012, Wednesday

Recognition Day! *ding ding ding ding* I woke up and immediately took a bath to get ready to go to the salon. My hairstylist for almost 4 years now will be curling my hair. I wanted it straight but mom wanted it to be curly. She said she’d like to go up onstage and receive the medal with Cristine Reyes on her side. *wink wink* I couldn’t argue. I don’t want to be late. Haha. 😉

After my hair was done, we went home so I could get dressed for the program. I wore this pretty pair of fake lashes that made my eyes water later on. We got to school in the nick of time. The ceremony went well as practiced just the day before. It took long before our names were called. Then there we were. Smiling vibrantly with our medals on. We made our way back to our seats and while on the way there, the teachers from the side were congratulating me and complementing on how “beautiful” I looked. I just replied with a simple thank you and a smile. But deep inside I was very flattered. Me? Beautiful? Psh, yeah right!

The program finished 2 hours earlier than expected. I didn’t wait any longer to take my fake lashes because it’s starting to make my eyes water and my head ache. My mom and I proceeded to the faculty to get pictures taken with my beloved teachers. I got a picture from mama Ivy, Sir Leo, Ms. Anne (my girl crush!), Mr. Pulido and Sir PJ! I got a hug from Sir PJ and I asked him if he would still be my teacher in Physics. He told me if he would stay teaching in Seton, he would be. :>

We were heading to ATC after the program, as mom told me. I got changed and left for Town. We ate at Bonchon and I happily devoured 2 cups of rice. :3 With happy tummies, we went home and thanked the Almighty that the day was over and well spent. ♥

I’m very thankful that I was awarded a medal once again. The past year has been a real pain in the neck and I’m very much grateful to see that all my hard work had paid off. 🙂 I’m hungry for more work next year, and I will gladly take them on one by one. I’m motivated to do better and aim higher next year, too!

To the people who inspired, believed and rooted for me, all of these wouldn’t be possible without you guys. Thank you so much!

And to those who thought that I wouldn’t make it, underestimated my abilities and took me for granted, thank you as well. Thanks for pushing me to my limit, enabling me to lay down my best and molding myself into a better person. Really. 😉

So that’s it for the great achievement this school year! I do apologize if the construction of my sentences isn’t that appealing to you, my beloved readers. It’s hard to recall happenings in detail especially if during those times you were overly anticipated and exited that so much was running in your mind all you want to do is live the moment. 🙂 But here are photos from the event to make up for my loss…

Until then! ♥

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